I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
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