Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
