put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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