good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
