I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize