The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
