Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
