if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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