I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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