Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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