Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
