How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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