What did we do last night that was yellow?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I touched a dick in church today
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
