brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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