I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
