I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
