Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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