So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
