She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
