I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
