dude i'm inner monologue high
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Randomize
