peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
