I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Can you bring me the toilet please
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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