At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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