he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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