the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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