I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
