im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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