That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
