Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
