thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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