If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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