Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Damn victory sex feels great
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
