Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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