Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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