I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I won't apologize to a one balled man
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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