I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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