let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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