we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
