No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
