so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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