he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
