I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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