My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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