You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
