You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
