She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
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