Michael Bay diarrhea
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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