We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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