there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Sorry about my life...
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
