Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
