I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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