I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
