we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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